Ok this is so weird...
I felt good yesterday.
Like a fairly intense euphoria kind of good.
That's not abnormal. I've actually really started to feel better about myself lately. What's weird is that it never happens without my normal amount of makeup.
I mean, I tightlined and threw on some mascara, sure, but that's never really done anything in the past. At most, it would allow me to just tolerate my appearance.
But I woke up yesterday and I liked my face. I added a little touch to my eyes and I felt downright euphoric. There was a girl in my mirror.
This time last year, I could only ever catch a glimpse of her when I'd do an elaborate full face with obscenely high coverage. There were times I missed class in favor of spending another hour on my makeup, desperate to paint over the boy I saw nearly every second of every day.
Makeup has always been super fun for me. I've had a ton of fun putting it on myself as well as other people. It hasn't just been a means of alleviating dysphoria.
But there have been days I really haven't felt like doing it, but I've forced myself to anyway because I've despised my appearance too much not to.
And now I feel like those days may soon be behind me. 😊 That's a really comforting thought.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this whole concept of Gender Euphoria lately and I think I’m starting to resent it. Look, I’m thrilled at my life and what my decision to transition has enabled. It’s fucking fantastic. But in spite of the curated narrative I present here, life is not a non-stop 24/7 adrenaline rush of unbridled joy. This might just be me, but I’m starting to chafe at feeling like that’s the image I’m expected to present in order to ‘justify’ to society that I am something valid. .
Any member of any marginalized group, when they finally are accepted into ‘the club’ feels some pressure to be on their best behavior, right? ‘Wow, you let ME join YOUR club?!?! I’m so grateful, I PROMISE I won’t let you regret this decision.’ .
You work harder. You smile more. You pay more attention to what you say. Whatever. You just got let in to the Big Boys Club (usually literally) and you don’t want to screw this up, not for yourself and not for any other member of your community. Because you know how the Big Boys think, right? One of us is acting up? We’re all bad apples. .
Well, fuck that. I’m not satisfied to be ‘allowed’ into the club. Equal rights means equal access to every single emotion a person can have, not just euphoria. Sometimes I might be sad. Sometimes I might be frustrated. Sometimes I might even be angry. I want to be able to express these emotions without it triggering anything. Without others thinking ‘Well, so much for ‘gender euphoria’—I guess it wasn’t about the hormones after all.’ And far more importantly, without ME thinking ‘Oh shit! I’m sad. I was sad before the transition. Maybe this isn’t working? Maybe I’m always going to be sad! Maybe this was a huge mistake.’ .
Of course it wasn’t a mistake! It’s who I am and most of the time it’s truly downright glorious. And the story I share here reflects that and is 100% accurate. But when it’s not glorious, for reasons that have nothing to do with gender or hormones or whatever, just simply with day-to-day life, I want to be able to access those emotions without it calling into question my validity as a grown-ass trans woman. .
💜💜Purple Friday is a day in which students and the school or university can show their solidarity with homosexuals, bisexuals, lesbians, transgenders and intersex persons by wearing the colour purple. In most cases, Purple Friday is organised by the GSA of the school or university. The GSA is a group of students who believe that everyone at their school or university has the freedom to be who they are, without having to be embarrassed for it. The letters GSA stand for Gender and Sexuality Alliance: an alliance between all kinds of sexual orientations, gender identities and gender expressions. People who feel insecure themselves are extra supported by everyone who wears purple on Purple Friday.
In the Netherlands, the awareness day is held since 2010 on every second Friday of December. This year, Purple Friday is held on December 13 2019 💜💜 #purplefriday
I found three art nouveau style old doodles I started a g e s ago during pride month ‘He, She, and They’. I tried to get this one finished for the Transgender Day of Remembrance but ended up getting swamped again! But he’s here now! I’m going to try and get She and They complete soon too ♥️ #art#myart#doodle#sketch#sketchbook#pencil#pencilsketch#blackandwhite#b&w#artnouveau#artnouveaustyle#trans#transgender#transart#transgenderdayofremembrance