Passive abuse. It’s a real thing.
This falls under the covert types of abuse, and can be difficult to define. ‘Forgetfulness’ about little and big things, carelessness, lack of emotional responsiveness, doesn’t come toward you to repair after a fight or disagreement, acts like it didn’t happen and behaves cheerfully while you’re still hurt by what happened, fails to do the things he said he’s do, lack of follow through, laziness about things that matter to you, words don’t match ACTIONS.
I’ve heard from women things like “I think he has ADD, dementia, PTSD, stress, OCD”, “he’s just dumb”, “he’s just a forgetful person”. We can all forget at times.
But let’s get real. When something means something to you - you don’t forget!
In 21 years of motherhood, I lost track of time on a client call and ‘forgot’ to pick my daughter up at school. She called and it all was fine. But I felt HORRIBLE, it never, ever happened again.
My children matter to me.
I don’t forget to pick them up when I say I will.
It’s about a pattern of behaviour. Not isolated and occasional incidences.
The pattern leaves you feeling chronically invisible, unimportant, frustrated, neglected and uncared for.
Can you recognize any of these passive forms of abuse in your relationship?
1 week ago
Just wrapped up recording two #swoonpodcast episodes on trauma histories and relationships. . . There’s a lot to talk about on this topic. More than two short episodes can hold. Thanks to all of you who messages us with questions and trauma topics. Keep the ideas coming y’all.
Thanks for the OP @probwithdating
2 days ago
Inside of my 3 month intensive, we do the deep emotional work, but also focus on self care, wellness and adrenal health through lifestyle and holistic approach.
However, the primary thing I’m working with my clients on is detaching emotionally from what their partner is doing/not doing as they develop more clarity on whether to stay or leave the relationship.
Each woman is at her own perfect place in her Awakening journey, and my intention is to empower them to make choices that honour themselves above all.
Healing is about coming back to ourselves and removing the obstacles to our wellness.
And being in a narcissistic emotionally toxic relationship will eventually destroy physical and mental health.
You must deal with the primary issue, EMOTIONAL STRESS before you’ll see improvement with mood, anxiety, hyper vigilance, depression, and your chronic mystery health symptoms.
If you’re ready for Mentorship that addresses all of these areas so you can start feeling better NOW, send me a DM and let’s chat.
ღ 𝐿𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓃𝑒 𝒪𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓃
Holistic Therapist & Transformation Mentor For High Achieving Entrepreneurial Women
For more on female empowerment, Holistic wellness and burnout recovery follow me over @leanne.oaten
Those of us counselling professionals who lead the way, and help women in these types of toxic relationships, do so because we’ve been there, and know the patterns, red flags, nuances and traits inside and out.
My knowledge and awareness around emotional abuse and covert narcissism is self taught.
I’ve read and listened to literally stacks of books on the subject, and have spent countless hours pouring over research, collecting data, speaking to, and reading stories, from women in a covert emotionally abusive relationship.
It’s become an obsession because as I step more and more into this movement, more and more women share their horror stories of pain they feel completely trapped in.
I’ve also worked with many clients over the years who were in this situation and didn’t know it.
I’ve had this overwhelming feeling lately like I can’t get this information out there fast enough! I’m putting out so much content as I go deeper into this, and the podcast is one medium I use to do this.
If you find yourself in an emotionally toxic relationship, I do not recommend couples therapy. I go in depth as to why in today’s bonus episode of the podcast.
Tune in by searching “Awakening Women Podcast” on iTunes, Spotify and Stitcher.
Join the Awakening Women Support Facebook Group for daily affirmations and extra stuff from me to keep you in growth mindset.
What's the difference between just bants and bullying? 🤨
Whether it is verbal, physical, online or in-person, bullying has a significant impact on our lives and wellbeing. By making small, simple changes, we can break this cycle and create a safe environment for everyone. Because together, we can challenge bullying. Change starts with a conversation. It starts with checking in. It starts with work together. 👉Come and see the friendly team from A Better Medway in the Drill Hall Library on Wednesday 13th November, 11am-1pm, and talk about healthy relationships and friendships, get advice on emotional resilience, coping and where to get support when you need it.
There are also some freebies and activities!
Everyone welcome! You are not alone! 🙂
7 hours ago
This week I have been talking about masculine and feminine energy because understanding this is one of the keys to understanding and improving your relationship with your significant other--or people of the opposite sex in general.
So today I want to cover the basics, and I'll get a little more in depth on Thursday's IGTV.
It's important to understand that both masculine and feminine energy exists in each of us--regardless of what gender or sexual orientation we are.
Masculine energy is the energy of doing, achieving, pushing, and striving. Masculine energy is "yang" energy.
Feminine energy is the energy or attracting, receiving, allowing, and flowing. Feminine energy is "yin" energy.
In our culture masculine energy is favored and prized more so than feminine energy. This means that as women, many of feel like we need to be in our masculine energy to be successful.
Think about how many "hustle" catch phrases you've seen as an entrepreneur. Now think about how burnt out and exhausted you feel only pushing with your masculine energy, without allowing any time to luxuriate in the feminine.
When I was a teacher I would work 7 days a week for the first 8 weeks of school every year just to make sure I didn't miss a detail and didn't fall behind with my work.
I put my head down, grit my teeth, and bore down until I was caught up. But I was EXHAUSTED by the end of that. When I was teaching, I needed at least one full day a week to lay around in bed and recharge because operating out of my my masculine was so draining for me.
So look at what energy you are functioning out of. Is it the energy you naturally identify with or not? If not, how can you bring more of this opposite energy into your life?
Need some ideas? Let me know in the comments below!
I hope this was helpful for you. This was a total lightbulb for me when I realized it and has totally changed my life so I wanted to share it with you guys too! And if you liked this topic, stay tuned for more!
7 hours ago
Nut butters are fantastic. Make sure though there are no added extra ingredients. Many times they add extra sugar and other things. You will know the difference because you will see the layer of oil on top of the jar. How about making your own? Get a food processor, nuts, and grind. It’s that simple
7 hours ago
A rainbow of fruits and vegetables will give you incredible health benefits that include antioxidants, fiber and wonderful nutrients. Each color of the fruit or vegetable represents a different type of antioxidant. That’s why it’s important to have the rainbow. The more types of Antioxidants you have, the better the health benefits. Have you eaten your rainbow today?
Sometimes, people don't want a solution, they just want to be heard.
This picture so accurately describes how it feels sometimes when you just need to vent or are seeking to be understood and empathized with, and, instead, are bombarded with a lot of advice that leaves you overwhelmed and feeling inadequate.
This is so true especially when someone is going through a tougher season of life... They are already vulnerable! I find myself going down this path of trying to help people and fix things rather than just hearing them quite often. Because as human beings, it's in our nature to want to help one another.
But, the best thing we can do sometimes is just listen... To tell them it's okay to feel that way. And, if they ask for help, by all means, give it! Otherwise, just be the companion- walking alongside them for support and encouragement. Let them be heard!
7 hours ago
Givers with no boundaries will attract takers because they’ve allowed them to take.
There are many reasons one may not have boundaries:
1️⃣They don’t know what they look like
2️⃣They have fear or trauma around speaking up for themselves
3️⃣They fear punishment, attack, abandonment as a result of the boundary being set (due to childhood trauma)
4️⃣They’ve never had an example of someone communicating and setting healthy boundaries and was conditioned to act in other ways to tolerate and cope with their emotions.
It’s a common practice to want to blame and project hurt onto the other person who is take, take, taking however they’re doing what you’ve shown them is acceptable by allowing it. And no, some people do not just know better because of their experiences and exposure in life. They only know what they were shown and taught until they decide to grow. If someone hasn’t reached a place yet where they want to be better, act better, communicate better for themselves they will function off of what they were always shown and taught till they say ‘enough’ and desire to improve themselves.
Healthy relationships have an even exchange of give and take. Each person holds themselves accountable and is capable of communicating and respecting the other. When it’s lopsided / uneven the relationship will feel hard and heavy and can result in emotions of anger, resentment and frustration. You may even feel at times like the person taking is a burden however you’re responsible for setting the boundaries so that you can reach an improved emotional state.
You’re responsible for what you let in.⚠️
There he was. Standing on stage, truly captivating the audience with his natural magnetic personality. He has such a knack for speaking (especially when it’s about things he’s passionate about). •
Arms above his head, the entire audience on the edge of their seats, waiting for his next statement. That’s when I realized…..this man, my husband, really deserved more ‘space’, more ‘room’ to be seen than I had previously given him.
Like a plant 🌱 that had outgrown its pot, I had not given him room in my mind to allow for the growth he’d made.
This event I’m referring to was many years ago. He was speaking at the opening of a mutual naturopathic friends’ 30 day challenge. (Maybe you were there even 😉🙌)
At that moment I realized that I was so close, day in, and day out to this beloved human, that I hadn’t left the appropriate ‘room’ to truly ‘see’ him 👁✨
To see and honour how he shines! 💫
Watching him shine, and seeing him reflected through the eyes of so many people was a great gift. Blessed with all the new perspective (having taken a few steps back) I was more open to see him through a new lens.
We’ve been together for 15 years. Now at gatherings together and especially new introductions, I override my old native reaction to take up the airwaves. Instead I leave room to hear how he tells some of our stories, how he describes his reality to them. I listen with curiosity to notice how his presence and stories of adventure are received by others. •
It creates a new novelty to the experience of being together. Old stories are made new, and perspectives are so beautifully re-crafted into a delightfully re-mastered form that we use to connect and re-connect to eachother.
I’ve heard similar stories from several people throughout the years, often in regards to attending their partner’s social ‘work’ gatherings. I’d love to hear yours!! What has provided YOU the space to see your partner with a new perspective? 🌟😍👁✨