This is my social mask. I am trying my best to fit in at Thanksgiving 10 years ago. I'm pretending I understand and acting towards what was expected of me. I'm fake smiling. I can see it in my eyes, that deep sense of I don't belong. I want to belong but I dont feel I do. Afterwards I would have spent the whole night without sleep wondering if I said anything wrong convinced my family didnt really want me there. I felt like a burden. I felt unloved. I felt scared of who I was. I have my Autistic diagnosis now and now I know I belong with my tribe, all of you. I'm so grateful to finally understand that I'm just different and that's okay. This version of me was filled with a lot of pain and fear. This is what masking looks like. .
That’s me, when I’m alone. Only then I feel really balanced, feel myself. I don’t function to well with to much distractions around me, and I can get distracted easily, mostly by other persons. I can’t be around other persons to much, only when they feel like me, and most don’t unfortunately. Had to find out about this the hard way. Got diagnosed with ASD this year (autism spectre disorder). Turned my life upside down, but now I’m ok with it. Found out that there’s a lot more inside of me then I knew, just have to learn to live with myself again and stay balanced. And for now that’s like riding a unicycle while keeping five balls up in the air.. But I’m learning ☺️ Looking forward to next year, it’s going to be an interesting one. #autism#asd#livingwithasd#aspielife#aspienwomen#balance#balans#autisme#hsp#highsensitive#sketch#ink#inkpainting#becreative
5 days ago
Repost • @mindfulmft When we practice narrating instead of reacting, we create space to connect to a message for ourselves and for the other person. That message is clearer and connected to an inner world and experience that holds so much more important and clearer information than reaction does. That information is full of emotion, history, triggers, patterns, emotional needs, and more.
Narrating instead of reacting creates an opportunity to connect instead of just going to a space of disconnection. It’s a stepping stone until we can get to a place where it all comes a bit more naturally.
I’ve used this many many times over and offer it to you to see if it might help in your relationships. It brings humor forward that can so often cut the tension. It brings clarity forward that immediately let’s the other person know what’s happening in your inner world. It brings discipline forward that says I don’t want to do something that disconnects us further, so I’m pausing.
And as we know, the pause allows us to get to the pivot. So, see if you might start practicing your narration. Instead of reacting, share what it is you WANT to do but are not doing. Just take it from there. Step by step. What comes next has a lot to do with whether the other person narrates, reacts, or responds. This is a much more complex and dynamic process, please note, but a beautiful starting point. It’s also a practice you can do with yourself with any and all people and experiences. You may not day it aloud to others but may narrate to yourself. #mindfulmft
repost • @hvppyhands Here’s some neuro-nerd info for you. Non-verbal does not mean non-thinking. It doesn’t mean a person lacks the capacity for language. The areas of the brain responsible for motor functions and language are separate, and need to communicate fluidly in order for spoken language to occur. It seems simple enough, until you consider how complex and intricate an instrument our mouths really are. If these two areas aren’t properly communicating, spoken language will be impaired. Picture one is a diagram of the areas of our mouths and throats responsible for specific sounds. Picture two is a diagram of the areas of the brain responsible for motor planning and execution. Picture three is of the parts of the brain responsible for different aspects of language. It’s easy to imagine the wrench that having less neuronal pruning (the process by which our brains decide as babies and children which connections are vital and which can go) than a typically developing brain could throw into the system of the autistic brain. #themoreyouknow 💫
1 week ago
Repost • @findyourshinetherapy Don’t forget:
How far you’ve come
How hard you’ve worked
How great you’re already doing
2 weeks ago
I made it through dinner. I'm in so much pain. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow for the subluxation and subtle fracture in my wrist. I think my shoulder is out and they found degeneration in my neck vertebrae. I'm sorry my posts are such a bummer today. This is my space to share so I am. Thanksgiving went okay and everyone ate my coconut sugar cranberry sauce and loved it. There was so much talking I missed most of it and just focused on my BF. He held my hand under the table. We talked again and he said he knows he needs to do better but that it is so hard with family that tries us. I told him we want to do better than those that came before us. We want to rise above what we were taught. So, it is better. He is working on it. I have been for so long too. All we can do is try our best and learn from when we go astray. My body is in agony from it all. I wont get an EDS diagnosis for a very long time as the waiting list is over 6 months. But my neck, and all joints on my right side are out. Life has been so so hard in chronic pain. I'm really trying as best I can to work through the pain and stay positive but it's all so much sometimes. I'm taking a decompression break again and resting on a heating mat. I hope you are all doing okay. Self care isn't selfish. Solidarity to you all who struggle on days like this and so much love. .
Gluten free, Coconut sugar, pumkin pie. Hopefully I dont get super sick tomorrow. Holiday's always leave my IBD in a mess and my stress so high. Socializing while eating is not my idea of fun but I am participating for my BF. I made gluten free stuffing too. I have major food allergies as well and my face is already puffy from eating gluten today. 😬 I took a benedryl but it isn't always enough. With so many food problems a holiday celebrating food (Thanksgiving US) is so weird to me, not to mention Americans decimated Native Americans and this holiday is a farce. I will put my NT game face on though (mask) and not disrupt the holiday with my blunt hyperbole. It isn't because I want to. It is because I have to as I've lived so long with social anxiety not knowing I'm autistic that I just want peace. I'm grateful to know I am autistic so I finally know how to survive these sort of things for the most part. I've got plans for sensory decompression and earplugs. I will walk the dogs if it all gets too much. The holidays are my least favorite time of year, but I'm strong and have survived so many bad ones. Hopefully knowing I am autistic will help me to actually have some good ones. 🧡 stay strong Fam. .
repost • @katenorthrup As we head into Thanksgiving week in the USA, may this be a reminder to us all.
Family is so often tied up in obligation.
So tied up in it, in fact, that we forget that there really are very few things we HAVE to do.
Like almost nothing.
Take a look at your plans for this week and the weeks that follow as we head into the holiday season.
Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel like I should so that I don’t make someone else uncomfortable or disappointed?
(Note: That someone is often your mother.)
Here’s an invitation:
Choose you. Choose what feels good. Choose joy.
Also: it can be difficult to determine what feels good when our identities and worth have been tied up in keeping everyone around us happy for so long.
Doing something we don’t actually want to do in order to avoid making someone else unhappy can feel dangerously close to feeling good when we haven’t practiced knowing what actually feels good for very long.
But once you know the liberation of doing the thing that’s best for you (even if you feel guilty, which you might/will and that’s ok) it will become harder and harder to forsake yourself until eventually you pretty much don’t do it anymore.
This means you can just not get on the flight home and get Chinese food and go to the movies instead.
You can say no to the request.
You can hand someone else’s feelings back to them and let them take care of them on their own.
You can order the pies instead of baking them.
You can ask everyone else to bring almost everything (or actually everything.)
You can cancel.
You can have a pile of unfolded laundry in view even while hosting 20 people.
You can choose to not drink or eat sugar even though that’s what everyone does and has always done.
Maybe not you. Maybe not this time.
Ok folks. I love you. I believe in you and your ability to do what you need to do to take care of you, even when it means disappointing others. (Get used to it. Living your fullness is going to require repeating this often.)
📷 via @jillfit
Just because I’m an Aspie doesn’t mean I don’t like to socialize- just means I have to plan more. Went to a really fun party last night & met some new friends. Im proud of myself because I’m finally starting to learn how to prepare in advance for the social hangover I experience post get together. Planned for a really chill day today giving me plenty of time to process and recover. Xoxox
This is Rowan. My wife recently registered them as an emotional support animal. Rowan has no concept of gender, and so many people use She/her as a pronoun when talking about them because of the cute fluffy sweetness we all associate with femininity. I love having a dog that was AMAB and continues to skew the binary. Rowan brings much emotional support and love to our family. He also loves to accompany a therapy session here and there at my client’s request. 🤍🤍
3 weeks ago
repost • @motherwoundproject What might happen if you gave even a fraction of that love you have been trying to give to your parent(s) to YOU? How might your life be different?
I know this one thing has changed so many things for me in my own life. For one - a really big one, actually - I now adore this time of the year. It’s literally my favorite. And yes, my Christmas decorations are already up, and no I don’t feel guilty about it. 🎄 But it wasn’t always this way. So far from it.
Not too many years ago this time of the year was so stressful for Jake and myself. Our life-sucking, soul-draining focus (we weren’t consciously calling it this, of course): make our mothers happy.
You already know where this is going don’t you? Yeah, making our mothers happy didn’t quite work out. 🤣
Nothing - and I do mean nothing - we did was ever good enough for them when it came to the holidays (and lots of other things, but that’s for another post). But oh did we try! And try and try and try.
Here’s just a small handful of our attempts around the holidays back then. Can you relate to some of these?
“How do we correctly divide up our time on this particular holiday between both our families so our moms both are happy?” [hint: this was impossible]
“This [insert family member who asks invasive questions and makes bigoted remarks here] is going to be there even though mom knows we are uncomfortable around them. How do we navigate simultaneously wanting to run away while looking like we are unphased and loving every minute?” [hint: this too was impossible]
“Our moms are insisting on having these set foods for the shared meal. Some of these foods work for us, but most of them just flat out don’t. How do we manage this without being hungry/uncomfortable and not hurting their feelings?” [hint: again, impossible]
As we dive into the holiday season, the messaging that it’s somehow okay to be miserable leading up to and during the holidays for the sake of your mom and “family” will just continue. But here’s the simple truth that we want to give you to carry with you: It’s actually not okay. You deserve to spend your time in ways that feel authentic and joyful